Yes, it's uncomfortable and harder than breaking up over the phone but doing so “shows that you care for them and that you care for that relationship,” adds Hendrix.īut remember, while their feelings are important, your safety ultimately comes first. If you feel safe seeing your soon-to-be ex in in person, “you owe it to your partner to have the breakup conversation face-to-face,” says Porter. You owe it to yourself-and them-to speak up when you know the relationship isn't serving you so that you can both move on to better things. And if it's not a good fit for you, then it's not a good fit for them, even though they may not be aware of it as much as you are.”ĭo your mental health a favor and remind yourself that not every relationship is going to be right-that doesn't make your partner a bad person or necessarily mean they did anything wrong. “It's a self-honoring choice that you're making because you don't see a future together. “Remind yourself that it's OK to leave a relationship that isn't working for you,” says Hendrix. It doesn't feel good to break up with a partner-especially if it’s someone that you care deeply about-but it’s also not wrong, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about your decision. Remind yourself that it’s completely OK to breakup. For example, if you're so caught up in ending it that you forget today is their birthday, they're probably going to be extra pissed. That said, there are many factors that can influence how well the message is received, he adds, which is exactly the point of thinking ahead about how you want to have the conversation. “There is no guarantee that the conversation will be effective, because one can only control the message sent, not how it’s received,” says Porter. No matter what you say and how empathetically you say it, you can't control how the other person will react. Acknowledge that you won’t be able to control their reaction. “If you’ve been on the receiving end of a breakup in the past you would probably have a good idea how it feels, and recalling those feelings beforehand would be beneficial in managing your message,” says Porter. But a little empathy can save you trouble down the road. When you first fall in love, empathizing with your partner is much easier, but by the time you're ready to end it, it might be tempting to not care how breaking up will impact your partner. Try to keep it “neutral, non-accusatory, non-blameful, compassionate, direct, and honest,” says Hendrix. Planning in advance can also help you evaluate the tone with which you’re delivering the message. Writing down exactly what you want to say and practicing it in advance can help anchor in the message so that when you're in the heat of the moment, you’re able to effectively communicate your thoughts. The conversation itself will likely be stressful, and when you’re stressed, you tend to lose access to the logical, rational parts of your brain, Hendrix explains. Once you’ve decided you want to end your relationship, it’s important to give yourself time and space to think about what you want to say before you actually say it. Having a well thought out breakup also means that breaking up shouldn’t be a rash decision made in the midst of an argument, or a card you play in an attempt to control your partner (which is passive aggressive and perhaps even manipulative, adds Hendrix, and certainly not part of a healthy relationship).
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